Tuesday, July 25, 2006

surprise, surprise!!iam actually updating this thing..lol..my private xanga got shut down for some reason i do not know..that makes me mad cuz i dont know why or how such thing happened..but yea lately..actually it's been a while since i express my feelings...i just read some of the posts and it sounds funny how i used to thing and how would react to sudden things certain ways...i guess i changed..iam not sure if this is the better me or what..but i feel more mature than before..i react differently to different things..iam no longer feel like a little girl who craves for attention..i guess eversince i attended college life has been different for me...I do not see my parents that often and I have to take care of myself on a day to day basis...I also have a chance to work in the real world where I have to learn to adapt to the environment...I have to admit life hasnt been that exciting like it used to be before...I was always happy..always smiling and anything could get me excited...now, its a little different...I mean iam still happy and joyful, appriciating what I have but I am not as happy as I used to be...However, recently, for like a few days, I can see that i am getting better...I feel happy and relax..I cant wait for my first summer session to be over so I could go on vacation and enjoy the rest of my summer...Its humid in davis...its so hot that i refuse to go outside..its extremely hot...without an air conditioning, I dont think anyone would survive in this insane weather...I actually want to go to school more often cuz theres a/c everywhere...I am scared someday there will be a blackout...I would die if that happens...i would stay in the bath tub for days and wont get out...i guess you have an idea how hot it is, if not just come and visit then you ll know clearly for yourself..but once again who would wanna do that..who would want to suffer...cuz if you do, i think you're crazy...lol...iam trying to finish it up fast and well then ill enjoy myself...talking about enjoyment...i became very lazy eversince I got to college..i dont get straight A's anymore but its time for me to speed up my study and get decent grade...my goal is to get out with a pharmacy degree...or if I have a chance ill go all the way to medical field..that if someone is willing to marry me after i am done with everything...lol...Yup, i like to think far ahead...I am planning to do something big this year...i wont say what yet but I think I will do it..iam not sure if I'll succeed...but I have a feeling if I want it badly, I may just get it...so we ll see...aye..i miss my bf so much...yes its still the same guy for the last 3 years and 8 months..it will be 9 months soon...i havent seen him for 3 weeks already and it seems like forever...we still fight alot...especially lately cuz i miss him so i got all cranky...i should stop...i cant wait for the weekend to come cuz he said he would come to see me..=)..i think i will marry this guy...i dont think i would ever want to start a relationship with anyone else..we've been together for so long and share so much to start all over again...doesnt matter how i far i go, I would come back to him...my home, my shelter..my soulmate...my mom wants me to be with someone else who has a higher education, can take care of me and can provide me with things i want or need...i know she loves me so much...she wants the best for me...but i realize that the best for me is not to be dependent on some guy...he may let me have all my freedom and love me dearly but would i feel the same for that person?...or I just feel that is what I suppose to feel when someone is treating me like a princess...i dont want go take people for granted..I dont want to lie to myself and living under what every girl fantasy...i want to create my own standard...and i think I met him...I know he may now be the perfect guy with perfect look, money or personality but he is perfect for me...he can not buy me a car, take me shopping, spoil me with jewelry, blah blah i dont know what people do for their gf but i know that he tries his best to make me happy even though he has to go out of his reach...iam so blessed with everything...i dont know what i did to deserve such luck...I have a wonderful family with loving parents and caring sisters and brothers...I am doing okay in school even though i do not try as much as i should...I passed through all challenges because at the end there is always someone to help me...i have an amazing boyfriend..what else can a girl ask for...=)...i just want to thank for whoever has been blessing me all these years...i really am very thankful...okay I need to go to class..iam late..lol...ill be back later..or whenever I feel like writing...bye..